Chapter seven- I'll Be Home for Christmas

The next few days passed in a blur, a really boring blur. The fact that Christmas was getter nearer and I wanted it to go away, didn’t help.

The eve of Christmas Eve rolled around slowly, and after an exceptionally long weekend, my father went to work on Monday. I had expected today to pass by the same. Chores, cleaning, preparing dinner, and I had to go and clean up outside the house a bit before Christmas. My Father did enjoy the holidays, no matter how he treated everything else. And he was determined to make sure this would be a good one, even if he couldn’t cook a slice of toast.

So at about midday I was picking up bits of trash that had blown between the two houses. I was facing away from the street, toward our backyard. I saw a shadow fall across the narrow strip of lawn and turned to see Ritchie leaning against the side of our house.

I didn’t know how to react; I just kinda waved and continued to pick up trash. I could feel my face burning so badly I wondered why the snow below me wasn’t melting. I could tell he was waiting for me to say something, and he seemed irritated. But he came here. I didn’t ask him to come.

When I’d finished, he stepped in front of me and wouldn’t allow me to pass. I put my bag of trash down and sighed, if he was here to talk, fine. But it wouldn’t be anything he wanted to hear.

“Good morning, Ritchie.” I said in a monotone. I felt him place his hand on my shoulder and I shivered violently. I had longed for his touch for almost a week; I just wanted to hear his voice. But he had been going to leave me, so I had only ended it before he could take my dignity with him.

I took a step to the left, and he stepped to his right, blocking my path. He shook his head,

“No, I’m not gunna let ya leave until ya know that Alan is rotten, lyin', rumour startin', git.” I sighed and played with the edge of my shirt, waiting for him to finish. But he grabbed me by the shoulders and forced me to look at him,

“Look Anna, I would never, never, want ta hurt ya like that.” Shocked by the emotion in his voice, I didn’t know what to do. I sat there fumbling with my words for a minute before I found myself pushed against the wall of my house, his lips pressed roughly to mine. I fought my immense urge to kiss him back, and when he pulled his lips from mine, panting, I knew what I wanted to say.

“Why didn’t you come see me before?” I didn't know if I was mad or not anymore and he laughed bitterly..

“Took me all these days ta build up enough courage to come ‘ere and talk to ya.” He replied, scratching his head, but I didn’t think that was why. I saw a couple bruises on his face, almost gone now, and I touched them lightly with my fingertips.

“Ritchie… you didn’t…” I asked looking at him, thinking of that piece of scum who’d stopped me in the alley. He didn’t say anything for awhile, but he hugged me close to him and I dissolved into his arms.  His lips found mine and I kissed him back, both hands gripping his hair, and his were exploring my body in a matter of seconds. I pulled my mouth from his as I gasped for air,

“Ritchie, we should go somewhere else.” I didn’t mean to go ‘all the way’, as Peggie had put it, but it was snowing now and if anybody walked by they would be able to see us.  He nodded and we thought for a moment on a place to go.

“The back porch?” I suggested and he nodded. Rounding the corner we walked up the two steps that led to the back porch. 

There were a couple musty blankets stacked against the wall, kept there to air out some. And it was cold, so I grabbed one to share with Ritchie.

He went to make sure we couldn’t be seen, but I couldn’t see him either. I turned to grab another blanket when he came up from behind, attacking me with his kisses. He seemed so happy, and so was I. It was fantastic to be with him again, I felt so much more at ease, and the corners of my mind didn't feel like they were hiding those dark thoughts anymore.

For awhile, we just sat there; glad to be in each others company once again. He pulled me close to him and kissed my forehead. I felt my insides burn again.

“I’m sorry Ritchie, really. I never wanted to believe anything about it-” He cut me off, apparently not wanting to talk about it anymore. For that matter, neither did I.

His fingers played with my hair, and I had mine resting gently on his shoulder. I sighed and wrapped my arms more tightly around him. I brought my face to his and brushed my lips lightly against his. I desperately wanted more, but I didn’t know if that was what he wanted, and I didn’t want to upset him anymore.

But he put his hand behind my neck and a felt shivers run through my body. He brought his lips to mine and kissed me hungrily. I touched his cheek, wanting to avoid his bruises, but he didn’t seem to care. He put his hand against mine and brushed his lips against my wrist and the shivers that overtook my body were almost too much. 

He was warm, and being outside in the cold made me want to press into him, but something held me back. I must have been being cautious, because, I know the me from a week earlier wouldn't have hesitated. But we kissed, and I stroked his hair,and I kept thinking about how soft it was...

Our kiss grew, from gentle to that hunger I found impossible to satiate, when I heard a car door slam from around front.

I felt about to cry out in frustration that Ritchie already had to leave. He groaned as he realized he had to go. He kissed me one last time, lingering far longer than he should have.

“Happy eve of Christmas eve.” He whispered into my ear with a laugh and he left through our back yard, I watched him go, sadly.

My father had been nicer, now that Ritchie had been around less, and that irritated me. He even complimented my work on the house. I think he might’ve been a bit confused by my behavior, I was being awful short with him, I suppose I was being unfair, it wasn’t totally his fault he was completely unwelcome.

He seemed hurt for once by my attitude. But I didn’t care. He’d been treating me like a stranger for months now. And so now, when Ritchie all of a sudden stops showing up, he decides to be friendly.

My Father had Christmas Eve and Christmas day off. So I woke up early, with funny feelings in my stomach. Funny how the mood of one holiday could change so drastically based on one person. Suddenly, Christmas was once again the most amazing time of year.

I went downstairs to find the house still sleeping. That was fine, I liked it that way. I plugged the Christmas tree in and watched the lights, well, light up.

As it turns out, the house wasn’t sleeping. I heard my dad shut the door to my mother’s room and walk slowly over to the couch and sat down. Something was wrong.

“Everything okay?” I asked quietly. And he looked up at me.

“Yer mom’s... she's gone Ana.”

What?

I just sat there in disbelief, trying to imagine my mother, just simply gone. It wasn’t the kind of news you could break gradually to someone either. I didn’t cry, not at first anyway, but it really was unexpected. She’d been doing so much better. I felt my nose prickle and my eyes burned. My insides had vanished, either that or were twisting into terrible knots at the thought of never seeing, or hugging my own mother again.

My father got up and went into the kitchen, and I went upstairs into my room, my limbs weighing heavily and didn't seem to want to move. I still didn’t cry, but I desperately wanted to. The day dragged by, second by second. Time didn’t mean a thing, and it was definitely passing slowly, I could have been there for what might have been months. My Father knocked eventually at the door and I told him to come in.

He opened the door and scratched his head.

“Listen, Anna, I need ta take care of a couple things.”  I nodded absently. I didn’t listen the rest of the time, all I knew was that he’d be gone tonight and tomorrow, and maybe the day after. I didn’t care where he was going; I just wanted him to stop talking. 

My stomach rumbled, so I ventured downstairs. I heard my mother’s radio still playing softly, and I made a mental note to turn it off. So I went in after I’d eaten a slice or two of toast, not even bothering to boil water for tea. The door creaked open and despite my determination not to look, my eyes immediately flicked over to her bed. My Father had covered her with her blanket, but I could still see her fine profile beneath the sheets.

Choking back a sob, I reached to turn off the radio, but I couldn’t. I instead found myself carrying it out of her room and sitting on the sofa with it. I set it down on the side table, and listened to the music play. My mother had always loved music, and I had a hunch that if she knew that Ritchie was in a band, she would have loved it.

I heard a knock on the door and I didn’t feel like talking, but I opened it anyway. It was Peggie, smiling brightly at me, but when she caught a look at my despondent face, her smile faded.

“What’s wrong Anna?” She asked and I firmly insisted I didn’t want to talk. She didn’t push it and wished me a happy Christmas with a hug.

“Just, feel better okay? It’s Christmas Eve; no one deserves to be unhappy.” I smiled at her best I could, though I could tell she hadn’t bought it.

The sky was darkening now, and I glanced at the clock, it was a little after five. By then, the radio began playing Bing Crosby, ‘I’ll be Home for Christmas’ and that’s when I started to cry. The stark reality of everything hit me, she wasn't there. No more hugs or talks... My eyes burned and my head ached. Sobbing hard into a throw pillow and hugging my knees to my chest as the last line played on the old radio.

“I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams.”

I’d gone from loving, to hating, to loving, to hating Christmas all in the course of a week and a half. I was so sick of my emotions; I just wish they’d all be quiet.

I didn’t hear him come in over my sobs, didn’t notice when someone sat down beside me, and I hardly noticed when he placed his hand on my back, trying to soothe my sobs. He pulled me into his arms then, and I sobbed into his shoulder harder than ever. His hands stroked my hair and I was glad he hadn’t told me to ‘Shhhhh’, or that everything would be alright.

He just let me cry myself out, rocking me gently. Finally, when I had nothing left to cry and my sobs were subdued, I apologized through my stuffed nose for getting his shirt all wet.

“Nah, it’s nothin’, luv.” He explained that he’d run into Peggie on his way here, and she’d mentioned how upset I was, so he just came in, not wanting to bother me to get up. I laughed through my tears; he had a bad habit of sneaking up on people.

He had no idea what was wrong; all he knew was that I was upset, and he was there for me to cry on… I still wished I could do something about his now wet shirt. He didn’t seem to mind, and I remembered with a pang that I hadn’t managed to get him a gift.

I sat with my head on his shoulder, looking at our tree, when I noticed a poorly wrapped gift on our coffee table. I didn’t want to open it, but I loved him for it, for still having faith in my stupidity.

I laughed weakly and kissed his cheek. He hugged me even closer to him and I wanted him to never let go, I twisted his hair in my fingers and turned to look at him fully, for the first time since he’d arrived. Suddenly, all my emotions came rushing back, my frustrations, sorrow, anger, and also, how badly I needed to be with Ritchie.

Chapter six- Farewell Christmas

I hid in my room until I was positive Father had gone. I was usually downstairs before him, making breakfast, but today I wasn’t really willing to chance him noticing anything off about me. I locked the door, and listened with my ear to the door for the sounds of his departure. And even after I heard the downstairs door slam noisily closed, I still waited around for a long while before coming out.

I grabbed my cloth purse, and slipped on a jacket. I left through the backdoor to be safe, and took a route I was sure my father wouldn’t have seen me in. I wasn’t allowed out of the house with him gone. But I needed to get something for Ritchie today, before everything was sold out. He’d done so much for me; I had to do something for him. He really deserved it.

The clouds above were heavy and gray with snow. It seemed impossible for it to be that way. Why wasn’t everything beautiful and cheery? The wind blew against my face, turning my nose red from cold. I pulled my coat more tightly around me.

It probably hadn’t been too smart to take the darker roads, where less people passed by than the main street. But I had to make sure my father wouldn’t see me. And when I noticed a dark shape in the corners, I knew it wasn’t exactly gonna be Ritchie trying to play a joke on me. And as I passed the entrance to an alleyway, a few burly looking teds stepped in front of me and forced me to back into the alley.

Another one came out of the corners sneering,

“Why, is that Starkey’s girl?” He asked a twinkle of malice in his deep set eyes. He was the same guy we’d had a run in with the night before, he must’ve been in a fight though, because he had a few bruises on his face. He snatched my purse out of my hands and I reached for it, but he held it easily out of my reach.

“So it is,” Another said, stepping closer and pushing my shoulder to a wall. He smelled like the grease he put in his hair, and he wasn’t anything to look at either, that’s for sure.

“Pity it takes three of you to take one girl.” I muttered with narrowed eyes. “Why don’t you go steal some brains to share?” But that most likely hadn’t been smart, as he pulled his arm back and laid into me. Definitely not above hitting a girl… My arm ached, but I pulled myself back to my feet as he pawed through my purse.

“She ain’t got much,” He told his ‘friends’, shoving it into his pocket. He turned to me and pressed me back into the wall, I could feel his breath against my face and it stank. “Starkey ain’t got nothin’ on me.” He growled. I wasn’t sure I knew what he meant, but when I felt his hands sidle up my skirt and he pressed his lips to mine, I got a bad feeling about it. He none of the tenderness Ritchie did. I spit in his face and he wiped it away, laughing.

“Ya don’ gotta be like that.” He said and pressed my body roughly into the brick wall with his own.

I yelped for Ritchie, desperate for any help at all.

“Ritchie?” He mocked.  “I’ll let ya in on somethin’ girl; Starkey ain’t interested in you no more than any other bird out there. In fact...” He said with a particularly chilling smile.

“He tol’ me, you were partic’uly easy.” He said running his fingers down my arm. I was filled with a mix of confusing emotions. Anger, because we hadn’t done anything more than kiss really. Embarrassment, how many people now thought I was ‘easy’? But then, confusion. It was so out of his character, but had it all been an act after all?

I felt tears spring to my eyes as I struggled to hold them back. “No.” I said, surprising myself with a steady voice. “He’s not like that…” Suddenly the gray sky welcomed my mood.

“’E’s a guy.” He shrugged, “’E only wanted one thing from ya.  He seemed to have lost interest in me by now and led his gang out of the alley. I was left alone in the grimy street and felt alone in so many other ways. I leaned against the brick wall, clutching my now bruising arm and letting tears run down my face freely. I sniffed and wiped them away from my face in embarrassment.

How could such a wonderful day, and night, have such a heartbreaking follow-up? I was more successful this time as I slowed my breathing, wiping the tears away. My legs felt shaky and weak, but I had to go home. I couldn’t sit here in a dirty alleyway feeling sorry for myself. But my throat hurt and I wanted to cry until I couldn’t anymore, I wanted to sleep, to tell myself this was an extremely vivid nightmare.

I didn’t have anyone to go to. Definitely not my father, he’d only make it worse. And I couldn’t lay my troubles onto my mother, (God no. I would never tell her that I had done anything with Ritchie, even if she did like him) and my friends wouldn’t understand, besides, it was too embarrassing. And now, I didn’t even have Ritchie, who always seemed

so honest. 

But now… it was all fake, everything. Even what I had experienced that night had all been part of an act of his. I kicked angrily at a can that lay open and abused on the road. It clattered noisily and skidded to a halt a few feet away from our gate. I don’t remember much after that, I remember opening the door, and lying down in my bed. I woke around 1p.m. I lay in bed for awhile longer, and sobbed into my pillow as everything replayed itself in my head. I pressed my face into the pillow where he had once lain. It still smelled faintly of him, and I found myself hugging it close to me, in spite of myself.

I felt like I needed him, and it killed me.

***

My father didn’t comment on my puffy eyes, or sniffling, or that I preferred to stay in my room for most of the day. I was grateful for this mainly because I didn’t want to lie to him. But annoyed as well, I was tired of him ignoring me like this.

At dinner I moved my food around on the plate and didn’t eat a bite of it. My father was able to dismiss this as well. I was tired of sleepless nights. At least before I had good thoughts to keep me awake… Now… Now it was nothing but bitter memories of something that had been fake all along.

In the morning I was awoken by sunlight streaming in through my bedroom window. Groaning, I pulled my pillow over my head again and shut my eyes tightly, willing myself to sleep. Sleep gave me some reprieve…

But no sleep came. Sitting up in bed I noticed that it must be about noon. I dressed slowly; my thoughts were occupied. I walked downstairs in an almost dream-like state. My father was gone, and I could hear my mother’s radio playing softly, echoing through the halls.

I cringed as I heard a soft knock at the door. I walked cautiously toward it, and I peeked out between the curtains.

No, no, no, no, no. I screamed in my head. I didn’t want to talk to him. Or see him. Or think about him, I just wanted him to go away…

I opened the door to see his smiling face and felt myself recoil. The confused look on his face was enough to make me want to forgive him. And he had a bruise below his eye; he was making this harder than I thought it would be.

“Ya alright, luv?” He asked, reaching forward to take my hand in his. I jerked it back and stared angrily at the floor. 

“What’s wrong with ya?” He asked stepping forward so that he was almost in my house.

“Get away.” I muttered. “I met up with some of your ‘mates’ on my way to pick something up.” I wasn’t going to mention it had been a gift for him. “Now, aside from robbing me,” I explained through gritted teeth, and I noticed his face had gone pale. With anger or fear I didn’t know, or care.

“They also informed me about how you really feel.” I said, turning my gaze on him. I saw a little bit of color return to his face.

“And 'ow do I feel?" He asked and I noticed that a bit of anger tinged his words, I didn’t like that… I didn’t want him to be mad at me. Wait, what was I thinking? No, I don’t care.

Managing to sum up a very small amount of courage I told him what Alan had said.

“What?” He cried in disbelief. “Ya can’ possibly believe that luv? Can ya?” The look on his face made me want to cry, he didn’t look far from tears himself, his eyes pleading with me to say I didn’t believe a word of it.

“I’m sorry Ritchie.” I said quickly wiping a tear from my cheek hoping he wouldn’t notice. He stepped back from my door in disbelief. He looked at me as I shut the door and I felt myself shiver, but not in a good way. I watched through the curtain as he left, angry and seemingly confused.

The rest of the day of the day the look on his face before he left stayed with me. He’d seemed so shattered, surely that meant Alan had been lying? No, why would he? But at least it was over with now. I wouldn’t have to see him again, it was over.

But I wanted to see him again. I wanted for him to be here with me, holding me tightly. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t escape him. The littlest things reminded me of him, and I could still remember the warmth of his hand holding mine.

I stared at the Christmas tree only half aware of my surroundings. I hate Christmas. I thought bitterly. I wanted the holiday season to pass right then and there if it was possible. I returned to my room and sobbed into a pillow. I wasn’t a fan of crying, it made me feel weak.

But it also helped me to feel better. It was a good stress reliever, and it wasn't long before my pillow was dark with tears and I tried to calm my shuddering breaths. I didn’t go downstairs at all that afternoon. And my father didn’t seem to mind either. He only knocked on my door to see if I was home... and not out with Ritchie. I added bitterly.

Sleep came much more easily than it had previously, probably because I was so exhausted from my fits of tears. I woke early the next morning to the sound of a fist against my door.

“Ana, wake up. You’re not sleeping in again.” Rubbing my eyes sleepily I slid out of bed and opened the door. My father was fishing something out of his pocket and handed it to me. It was some money, and when I look up at him in confusion he explained,

“Ya need ta go and get some groceries today, we’re running low. But don’ spend too much, yer mom’s medical bills need ta get paid.” I noticed his hair was streaked with gray and he had dark circles under his eyes. I nodded and went to change. At least I had something to distract me from… Other, less pleasant, thoughts. He handed me a list before he left.

I didn’t head out right away, but once I did, my mind started playing all sorts of scenarios through my head. What if I run into him? What if he’s got another girl on his arm? But mostly, ‘why do I care?’

I was about a block from the store when I ran into Peggie. I was actually really happy to see her; I’d missed her a lot over winter break. After pulling apart from our hug, we started talking about everything we’d been up to. Her father had received a raise and she was going to spent a bit of leisure money.

We did our shopping together inside and were out quickly. Between the two of us, we’d only bought about six or seven items. I was almost in the clear, almost home without seeing Ritchie, when I saw him. I know Peggie noticed because I started talking in a voice even softer than a whisper.

“What?” She asked, and looked up to see what had made me go so quiet. “Who’s that?” She asked, poking me in the ribs with a giggle. I shook my head, indicating I didn’t want to talk. I wanted to vanish, to run away. But I also wanted to let Ritchie know how sorry, how afraid I was.

I dared to look up and my eyes locked with his, and his impenetrable blue gaze filled me again with mixed emotions. I felt my legs go weak and my face burn. As we walked past each other his jacket brushed against the bare skin of my arm and I bit my lip.

Once we’d walked a ways past him, Peggie turned to me ginning like an idiot.

“Okay, so who was he? He seemed to know you.” She glanced back at his receding figure. “Kinda cute too,” She said after a moment of thought.

Oh, how I wish she’d just shut up!

“Wait, I know him!” She said turning to me and gripping my arm tightly. Usually she wasn’t one for all this excitement, but she was gossipy… “He’s that drummer guy! How’d he know you?”

“We hung out for a bit.” I muttered quickening my pace. She kept up with me, pestering me for more details. Finally, when I felt about to explode, I knew I had to tell her. Yeah, she was gossipy. But If I really wanted her to keep a secret, I knew she could. I was tired of keeping all these things to myself, trying to silence my whining emotions and deal with it.

So I told her, most everything. I skipped the times we’d shared in my bedroom, but did mention that we’d kissed. By the time I’d finished her eyes were practically popping out of her head.

“Ana… how on earth could you not tell me any of this? Oh gosh I’m so sorry!” She said, hugging me close. I remembered then why I liked her. I hugged her back tightly, sighing and wishing I had told her before.

“Ya… ya didn’t, you know…?” She asked, and I was clueless.

“Huh?” She rolled her eyes at me and sighed.

“You know, go all the way? You didn’t, did you?” Blushing, I rapidly shook my head. “Good, because you never know what kind of stuff could ‘appen.”

We talked for a little while longer, but I finally went inside, I felt better, knowing someone else knew. I put the groceries away and listened to my mother’s radio, letting myself fade into the noise.

Chapter five- A few moments alone

The days passed slowly, and I didn’t see Ritchie for about four days. I know it doesn’t seem like much, but when that’s the only highlight of your day, well, it’s easy to miss. I hadn’t had much to do; nothing but clean and cook.

I walked along the halls, thinking longingly of our kiss. I wondered about where he was, and what he was doing.

Probably with some other girl. I thought bitterly, and then, No, he’d never do that. Shut up, you’re just making things worse for yourself. Maybe I could go and try to visit him, I was after all just sitting around, waiting for him to do all the showing up. I oughta put in some effort…

But then it occurred to me I hadn’t the faintest idea where he lived. So, defeated, I sat down on the couch and listened to the faint sounds of my mother’s radio. She’d been listening to music for ages; I don’t think that thing had, had a break since December began. And I think if I heard ‘It’s Beginning to look a Lot like Christmas’ one more time I’d march in there and switch the whole thing off.

My dad was home a lot less now. I’d begun to notice the rift between my Father and me growing. He was never a kind man to begin with to be perfectly honest, but he’d always treated me like a daughter, not a tenant.

But I might be judging him too harshly. I had no idea what was going on at work, maybe he’d taken a pay cut or something. He didn’t really talk to me about his work, so there could be something going on… And with the holidays so close…

But no matter how many times I ran this through my brain, I knew it was a much more personal issue than that. He hated anything to do with Ritchie now, even though he hadn’t done anything wrong. Well at least, that I would consider wrong.

It was almost 6:30 when I heard a knock on the door, and jumping over the top of our sofa, I tumbled over to the door and in the process hitting my head against a lamp. Rubbing my forehead I pulled open the door, but my hopes were scattered when I was greeted a burly looking man in an over coat.

“Yer father ‘ome?” His accent was thick and gruff, it reminded me of some of the sailors down by the docks.

“He’s sleeping right now. But I can go…”

“Nah, don’ need that. Jus’ give ‘im this paper.” He said and handed me a folded piece of yellowed parchment. He turned and walked out into the snowy weather without a ‘thanks’.

Well, wasn’t he nice? I thought watching him leave through the parted curtains.

I put the paper on the small table in our living room and was about to sit down when another knock at the door made me jump. Trying to keep my hopes from getting too high, I calmly opened the door. But all sense of calm was dropped when this time I was greeted by Ritchie.

Unable to conceal my joy at seeing him, I hugged him tightly and he laughed, but returned the favor. He peered inside, probably to make sure my Father wasn’t inside.  Even if he had been I wouldn’t have cared. It was just wonderful to be able to see Ritchie again, to know he was here and that he cared, even just a little.

“Yer dad…”

“Asleep.” I cut him off, not wanting to think about him in the slightest.

“Tha’s a problem.” He said with a small smile. “D’ya think he’d miss ya if ye left?” My stomach did a funny flip.

“I doubt it.” I said, though I knew if he woke up and I wasn’t home I would be in trouble.

“Great.” He said with a smile, “Was ‘opin’ you could come, doubt yer father woulda agreed anyway.  Do ya need ‘elp gettin’ yer coat or anythin’?” I didn’t think about where we’d be going. I just wanted out of the house.

As we walked, he put his arm around me and I could feel myself blushing, I couldn’t get used to this feeling at all. It was like a new experience every time.

After walking for a time(I noticed with a giggle, Ritchie was wearing a watch now) I saw the theatre come into view. I’d gone before, but never on my own like this and I was excited to go, that was for sure. Ritchie paid for the tickets and I felt guilty. I hadn’t even brought my purse.

I’d heard stories about what a lot of people did during the movies. But we actually watched the thing. Though we didn’t do much, that didn’t mean other people had taken the same pledge. Just a few seats away I could hear the disgusting sounds of tongues and lips smacking. I cringed almost every time and I could sense Ritchie’s unease as well and I had a feeling he was glad to get out of there.

We didn’t go home right away. Instead, he took me to a club or something, I couldn’t tell you if it was or not, I for one had never been to anything of the sort before and was a bit nervous about going inside.

“They don’ bite.” Ritchie said with a laugh. “And it isn’ the kinda club you must be thinkin’ of.” He added and I followed him in. “This is where I play some nights, right up there, with the Darktown Skiffle group, but sometimes they need me ta fill in for other groups...” He said pointing toward an area where another band was playing. I guess tonight wasn’t his bands 

turn.

We danced among the crowd, and once or twice we would take a break. He bought us a drink for us to share, and I realized with a jolt how much he’d been spending with me around.

“You don’t have to do all this.” I had to almost yell at him over the din of the band and audience. He laughed and told me not to worry about it. I still felt bad; I really should’ve done something for him. When returned to the dancing and I saw a couple guys to our right eying us. They were dressed kinda like Ritchie. I didn’t know who they were, and I tried to ignore them. Ritchie didn’t seem to notice them so I told myself it was just me being paranoid.

One of them made their way over to us and his mates followed suit. I tapped Ritchie on the shoulder and he turned to see what I was looking at. He narrowed him eyes and pulled my closer to him protectively. So, he either didn’t like or didn’t trust these people.

“Alan.” he nodded his hello to the boy in front, who grinned broadly at Ritchie. I felt uneasy and I wanted to leave. I tried to step away from Ritchie, as a test, to see if he was willing to let go of me. If he did, I’d know it was okay. But he only held me tighter.

“So, this is yer bird then?” He asked staring at me. I narrowed my eyes at him as Ritchie had and he laughed. “Ya got yerself a nice one here.” He said walking up to me and I pushed myself closer to Ritchie. I could tell he was struggling to contain himself.

“Mind if I have this dance with her?” I’m not property. I thought angrily, and I didn’t want to dance with him anyway, so I was relieved when I noticed Ritchie’s reaction.

“Ye’ve got a girlfriend, or ‘ave ya forgotten about ‘er already? And I wouldn’ want ‘er near ya if ya ‘ad even tha best of intentions, which knowin’ you, you don’.” He was practically snarling at the guy, and it reminded me almost of a dog fight. And I knew I did not want to be near a fight and that I didn’t want Ritchie to be in one.

“Can we just leave?” I whispered into his ear and he seemed to notice I was there for the first time. His eyes softened and he glanced back to the guys. It was getting late anyway, so he nodded and we shoved our way out of the building.

“I’m sorry abou’ them, luv. They don’ ‘ave any sense.” He held my hand and I could tell he was still mad about everything. I guess I was being too quiet because he turned and asked if I was okay.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I’m fine, I just wish tonight hadn’t turned out like that.” I said motioned in the direction we came from. 

“It was really wonderful aside from that.” I added as I saw his face fall. “Really,” And I pressed my lips to his cheek. He smiled and held open the gate for me.

“It really was wonderful.” I told him again, I wanted him to be sure I’d had a good time and that those jerks hadn’t ruined it. “I hope you had fun to.” I added as we walked up the steps to the porch. Well, that sounded stupid. But my words always got all confused around him.

He chuckled and kissed my cheek. I turned to him and on impulse pulled his face closer to mine and kissed him, putting my arms around his neck. He smiled, I could tell. We stood there on the porch like that for a little bit, but after what had seemed like a second, he pulled his face away.

“I’d better be goin’.” He sighed and kissed me again, this time pressing his lips roughly against mine, and I did the same. I ran my lips along his cheek and whispered that I would miss him. He smilds, stroking my cheek with his thumb.

“I’ll see you soon’s I can.” He promised and I sighed as I watched him leave, leaning against the wooden pillars on our porch. The cold gradually began to seep in and I shivered. I stepped inside and was glad to find the piece of parchment still folded where I left it. My dad was still asleep. I heard my stomach rumble but I ignored it and climbed the stairs to my bed.

Sleep didn’t come easy that night. I lay in the dark, trying to get comfortable, but the more I tried, the less it seemed possible. But I must have fallen asleep sometime during the night, because the next thing I remembered was someone leaning onto my bed and scaring me half to death.

 “Ritchie!” I gasped for air, still recovering from my shock. “What in bloody ‘ell you think your doin’?” I struggled to keep my voice from climbing above a whisper. My next thought was to ask how on Earth he’d gotten inside, but I decided I’d rather not know. I didn’t want to bombard him with questions and make him feel unwelcome, he wasn’t really.

 “That’s a criminal thing ta do, ya know that?” I saw his him cringe slightly in the soft moonlight that silhouetted his frame.

“Jeezus, I’m sorry luv… Me parents locked the door on me. I didn’ get back till after midnight. I s’pose they were right to, though… I didn’ know ya would be so stressed ‘bout this.” I could tell he felt sorry for coming.

“You can’t stay here!” I said, further adding to his guilt. “…At least not all night anyway, what d’ya think my father’ll say if he sees you?” But I must’ve said something right, because he smiled at me, and even in the dark his smile sent shivers down my spine.

 -the next part contains sensuality, but nothing important to the plot. so if you'd like to skip it, find the large, bolded 'END', fair warning.-

He leaned forward and I felt his lips meet mine, and in spite of myself I gladly kissed him back. My fingers gripped his shoulder tightly and I felt his lips move from mine to my neck and he leaned into my body, pushing me back into my bed. I fell back and welcomed him alongside me. I could feel his lips, the never ending torrent of kisses and bites he covered my body with. His hands were squeezing my arms and our breathing was coming in gasps now.

We lay there, doing no more than kissing for a long time; I felt his hand move a bit lower than my neck. My unease gradually began to sneak back. I hadn’t fully noticed at first because I was solely focused on the way his skin felt against mine, tender and feather light, sometimes drawing lines against my arms. Maybe I really shouldn’t, but his motions against my body made me drop every concern.

His other hand was at my waist and he was stroking me gently all the while, my emotions were racing almost as much as my breath. He moved over onto me, crushing much of my already feeble breath out from my chest… But I didn’t want him to leave. Our kisses grew longer and more intimate.

He reached for the topmost button of my shirt, and I placed my hand on his, ready to stop him if I felt too uncomfortable at any moment. But he didn’t even unbutton all of them, and all the feelings he’d helped to create were growing impatient. I couldn’t think straight, and as his other hand rested gently stroking my cheek, I forgot all about the other, I was in a dreamlike stupor, and it was amazing. 

His fingers ran lightly across my stomach, causing me to twitch and tense my belly. His lips moved from my neck again, but this time, lower. His lips were soft as they moved across my body, and his breath was warm. I clutched at his own shirt, crumpling it in my hands when I felt his fingers against my chest. I clenched my teeth together in effort not to make a sound, oh God, if only my father wasn’t in the room next to mine...

His breathing was growing faster and I could almost hear his pulse, racing at a million miles a second. I could feel him moving his body against mine and felt his hands exploring my body. I was breathless, gasping for air as I also moved against him. I could hear him groaning and it didn’t occur to me to shush him. I stroked his hair, mingling my fingers in the dark brown strands.

I gasped as I felt his tongue lightly tracing across my flesh, and my entire body seemed to tingle and convulse… Never had I felt anything as intense as this, so wonderful. I felt about to scream with all the tension that was manifesting itself. I was breathing heavily, chest heaving as I tried desperately to be quiet.

But when he returned his lips to mine- gradually working his way up to my neck, jaw, lips- I moaned softly into them. I could feel his own pulse racing frantically as I gripped his shoulders and I could feel his tongue slip in between my lips, this time I ventured to try the same thing. He moaned and I had to shush him frantically, I hated to think what my Father would do if he found us.

I felt his hands slide down my legs and felt myself tension grow, but in a strangely exciting way. Stroking me softly I moaned through his lips, his fingers felt so… I felt them slip a little higher up my thigh and I started to worry, but my emotions overpowered my thoughts.

My skin seemed on fire as he drew lightly across my leg. He kissed my shoulder, running his lips across my chest .I moaned at the sensations that engulfed my body, pulling his lips to mine I kissed him hungrily, and he pressed his mouth hard against mine. He pressed his body roughly into mine with a groan.

He let out another groan, this one seemed from pain, and he rolled stiffly away from me,

I felt alone, confused even, with his weight gone, and my skin burned for his touch. I felt like reaching out for him to pull him back, but I refrained. He grimaced as he asked rather hoarsely,

“Ya got a bathroom?” His voice was raspy and hoarse.

“Yes, but do you have to go now?” I asked panting still, and mildly annoyed. He smiled painfully.

“I jus’ really need ta use it, luv.” He groaned loudly and I told him where it was before he could be any louder.

He walked out, leaving me to my thoughts and a moonlit sky. After he left I realized why he might’ve needed to use it, and I felt kind of bad for being so short with him.

I felt shivers running through my spine; I had never felt anything like that, such… electricity racing through my veins, blood pounding in my ears… I shuddered as I pulled myself out of my thoughts.

He’d have to leave now; I couldn’t risk him being around near time my Father woke up. I buttoned my shirt up, and attempted to fix my hair, which was a complete mess of mats and tangles. He didn’t come back for awhile, but even so, my heart was still pounding like a hammer against cloth as I struggled to retain normal breathing, and I had begun to worry if he’d snuck out without telling me.

END

He stroked my hair and I sighed, he pulled me into his embrace, kissing me softly for the last few times, murmuring about how much he’d miss me.

“Ritchie…” I whispered as I bit my lip. I didn’t want him to leave, but he definitely had to go. I wondered briefly if he’d gotten any sleep at all that night, but the dark circles beneath his shimmering eyes told me all I needed to know. I felt selfish, wishing he could stay here with me when he needed to take care of himself as well.

We snuck silently down the flight of stairs and tried to unlock the door in silence, which is harder than it sounds. He took my hand in his, and raised it to his lips, brushing them lightly across my palm. One foot out the door, he said good-bye to me in a whisper and the door clicked shut leaving me in a dark house, cold and alone.