He didn’t come by the next day, afraid I guess that my father would somehow know what had happened between the two of us. I don’t think he knew… I mean, he didn’t treat me any better or any worse. I wasn’t even sure if he’d remembered getting out of bed last night.
The day hadn't started out so great though. When I came downstairs, my father was walking out of my mothers room, and when he saw me he jumped a little. I raised an eyebrow curiously and he waved me away, saying everything was fine. I think I must have inherited my terrible lying from him.
I watched him leave the house, and he was moving slowly, and once I heard the car engine fade into nothing, I opened to door to my mothers room. She was asleep, her face was pale and gaunt. Her breathing seemed strong enough, but the sight of my mother looking so hopeless and... destroyed made me want to cry. She wasn't even a shadow of what she used to be. A shadow left something remaining.
I sat on the edge of the bed and slipped my hand beneath hers, stroking it with my thumb. I sat there for a long while, before I leaned forward and pressed my lips to her cheek. It was cold, clammy and made me shiver.
There was a soft knock on the door and I sighed, getting up from the bed. I didn't really feel like answering. I pulled it open anyway, and felt my knees weaken at the sight of Ritchie. He smiled at me and waved, I could feel the heat gradually returning to my face.
“Hello Ritchie.” I said politely, trying not to give him any indication that I wasn't happy to see him. Because I was, but I was still pretty depressed. He motioned with his eyes toward the area where my father would normally have been, asking an unspoken question, ‘Did he ever find out?’
"He's not home... He left for work awhile ago. And no, he never found out... At least I don't think he did." He breathed a sigh of relief.
“You allowed ta come out?” It was just before lunchtime, but my mind wasn't on food so he grabbed my coat for me as I slipped my shoes on. I grabbed my purse as well; I had managed to earn some money doing the boring housework no one wanted to. I planned on using the money to get Ritchie something for Christmas, which was only about a week away by now.
I stepped outside and Ritchie closed the door behind me, holding my coat out for me to slip my arms into. We crossed the porch, and exited the gate without a word, and it wasn’t until we were halfway down the block that he turned to me and pulled me over to him, kissing my cheek lightly. I smiled without really realizing it.
“I’m sorry I couldn’ see ya yesterday, luv.” He mumbled into my ear. “I ‘ad ta work.” He kissed me again, this time his lips lingered against my cheek for a few seconds before taking my hand and walking alongside me.
“I missed you.” I said and I noticed a look that was almost something like guilt flicker across his face. I clutched my little purse tighter as we passed through the neighbourhood where most of theTeds hung out. I’d had things stolen before, and right out of my hands too, but I doubted anyone would really try anything while I walked alongside Ritchie, this was his place, I guess.
“I was ‘opin’ ta make up fer it today.” He said brushing his lips against my knuckles lightly. I shivered again, and not from the cold. Ritchie brought me close to him, wrapping an arm around my waist while we walked.
It definitely felt like Christmastime again to me. It’d lost that feeling it always used to have when I was younger and my mother wasn’t so sick… Ritchie seemed to make up for that today; he took me to the town. But it was a long walk, and I felt my stomach begin to rumble and was glad my father wasn't home so that I had no specific time to be back... not really, anyway.
But when we got there it was worth it, it was more cheerful than my neighbourhood by far… Lights were hung from the edges of buildings, trees stood in corners decorated lavishly, and the displays in the windows were incredibly enticing, but also incredibly out of my price range.
None of this seemed at all new to him, and I think I amused him with my fascination at the simplest of things. Like a train that was set on tracks, circling around a tree. I think it was the trees that compelled me most, and he went with it. He showed me where the best ones were, the biggest and the ones decorated with glass ornaments instead of shatterproof plastic ones and ribbons. And the stars at the top were what I loved most.
Our trees at home never had one. We had recently bought our tree; it was decent, nothing to brag about though, but it was a real tree. It had pitifully few decorations on it, and the string of lights was so short it was practically vertical up the tree, but no one complained. It helped fill the house with Christmas smell and even helped to brighten up my mood.
I gazed up at an eight pointed crystal star, perched delicately a top the pines. It shimmered in the weak winter lights, and at least to me, it was amazingly beautiful.
“Know what? Fer Christmas I’ll get ya a star.” He murmured, holding me close to his chest as we stared up at the trees. I buried my face in his jacket, inhaling deeply, and felt him bury his finger in my hair and bend his head down to kiss my forehead, after a moment standing like this he took my hand and led me away from the mainstream shoppers.
He pointed in the direction of a small café, a string of faded lights hung loosely from the rooftop, invisible amongst the cheeriness of everything else. Once inside, I realized why he liked it. It had a homey feeling, and it wasn’t a place you had to worry about looking like a movie star every time you went. He sat me down next to a window, where I gazed out at what was going on outside, flurries of snow floated past and the sky had darkened a little since we had left home.
A waitress wearing a short skirt came over to our table, pulling a pen out of her hair to write down our order. I hadn’t been out in years really, so I was taken aback by the array of choices on the paper menu. Ritchie had ordered only a small hot chocolate, so I took the same as him, even though I wanted something with more substance, but the prices on the menu had to be considered as well, and I had a pitiful amount of money in my purse. And I still wanted to get him something for Christmas.
We sat across from each other, so I had to suppress the urge to move over next him, and it would’ve been weird to hold hands across the table. I felt breathless from my pounding heart, and I longed to feel the warmth of his body melding into mine, and maybe even to kiss him again. My thoughts were cut short as the waitress in the short skirt appeared at our table side again, blue mugs in each hand and set them down in the middle of the table.
“Enjoy kids.” She said waving her hand as she walked away. My first thought was to be annoyed, she couldn’t be much older than I was, and I definitely was not a child. But I didn’t have too much time to feel upset when Ritchie started talking to me, taking only a sip of his cocoa.
“How’d you know about this place?” I asked, trying to get a marshmallow without having to stick my fingers into the cup.
“Mum used ta bring me ‘ere ev’ry now an’ then, don’ have much reason to celebrate now though.” His response made me regret ever asking the question, but he didn’t seem to mind. He never seemed to mind things most people normally would. Even so I steered the conversation away from the restaurant, which might not do much good considering…
We finished our drinks quickly and the sky was fading into twilight. I knew we had to get home, but I wanted to stay there with Ritchie where everything seemed so happy more than anything.
We walked slowly home, talking about anything and everything that came to our minds. Making excuses to linger awhile where we stood, even as the sun sank lower, threatening to leave us in the dark.
As my house came into view I felt him slow his pace immensely and I knew then, the day had come to a definite end. He led me up the walk to my porch and made sure no one was looking before kissing me, softly he touched his lips to mine. I wrapped my hands around his neck and I returned the kiss, wishing it could last forever… Even though I had only kissed him for the first time two days ago, and then only briefly, I found that my hunger for him had only intensified, and his likewise. But we had to stop much too soon as I remembered that I probably had to go inside... He held me there for a moment, gripping my wrist with one hand, and another at the back of my neck. I felt his fingers move lightly down to my shoulder, making me shiver.
“I ‘ope I made it up.” He said hardly daring to whisper. I only nodded slightly, daring not to speak at all. He kissed me one final time, but his lips barely brushed against my skin, leaving me with a terrible want for him as I watched him leave.
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